It’s no stretch to say the South Bay foodie scene has gone a bit insane. The public now demands food on-demand, to exact gluten per-particle specifications, with assurances that the animals were given free range of motion before meeting a tender demise pre-tenderization. We also want our food to follow us, which has given rise to a small army of food trucks crisscrossing the South Bay like some nomadic tribe of culinary barbarians. These chef-trepreneurs vary in style and allegiances, as some prefer to keep it simple while others savage tradition and fuse together disparate ingredients like Young Frankenstein. Regardless, these cooks on wheels demand respect, as food trucks are no longer relegated to greasy spoon hankerings; they’re diverse, daring and definitively codified in our culinary DNA. To celebrate these wayward food warriors, as well as honor the nation’s annual basketball meltdown, March Madness, which returns to Silicon Valley this week after a four-year hiatus, we present our foodie version of Bracketology. While it was impossible to sample every one of the 300 or so food trucks—not food carts—floating around the valley, Metro consulted with the operators of Moveable Feast (www.mvblfeast.com), the South Bay’s preeminent food truck promoters and curators, to help compile 16 contenders to battle it out for food truck supremacy. A diverse cast of cuisines were sampled and the results are admittedly subjective, so save the bias BS. Without further ado, let the Munch Madness begin.

THE SWEET 16

Sam’s Chowder Mobile vs. Treatbot

Scouting report:

Sam’s Chowder Mobile
Clam Chowder: $5.25
Lobster Roll: $13 shortie; $18 regular
Sam’s delicious clam chowder leaves some space in the belly, which may be why it checks in at a manageable $5.25 a bowl. Its balanced blend of thick and creamy makes for a unique cross between Chicago- and New England-style chowder. Each spoonful brims with onions, potatoes and clams, along with special appearances by bacon bits. This, of course, is just an appetizer to the main course: Sam’s lobster rolls. At $13 for a shortie and $18 for a whopping regular, the warm lobster is tossed in a pool of butter before drenching a crisp, toasted open-face bun. The sandwich is absurdly filling and makes for a gnarly soup-and-sandwich combo loaded with taste.

Treatbot
Double scoop of “408”: $6; $3 scoop
WARNING: These scoops are gigantic. This karaoke fever dream of a food truck is a go-to for anyone looking to bury their face in mountains of rich, high quality ice cream. Treatbot’s patented scoopers are essential for each dish’s architecture. At $3 a scoop, there is often more ice cream than the tray can hold. We went with the signature “408.” Several unique flavors come into play, as a light caramel ice cream base is rippled with fudge. Huge chunks of Oreo can also be excavated from nearly every bite. The light base keeps the richness from overwhelming the taste buds, giving the effect of a light mocha melting in one’s mouth.

Recap:
Treatbot came out of the locker room ice cold, which plays to its strength. Sam’s chowder offers the sustenance fans demand. Did you know lobster, now among most menu’s pricier items, used to be the food of slaves and peasants?

Winner:
Sam’s Chowder Mobile

Twister vs. BBQ Kalbi

Scouting report:

Twister
Roti Beef Quesadilla: $10
Not to be confused with the Mexican fusion food truck with the same name, San Jose’s Twister prides itself on blending Eastern flavors with Western indulgence—but not always in the same dish. The Tornado Hot Dog, for example leans entirely toward the latter, consisting of a slinky-sliced potato crisp-fried around a hot dog, drizzled with nacho cheese and sprinkled with bits of bacon. Other items are Asian through-and-through, like the Chinese-style Braised Pork Belly Rice Bowl or the Beef Shank Shao Bing, a richly seasoned sandwich in a flaky sesame pastry. We heard people raving about the Roti Quesadilla, a Mexican-Indian mashup with organic halal ground beef, mozzarella and curry sauce. Fusion anything is hit or miss, with novelty sometimes trumping flavor. But the roti-quesadilla was delicious—rich, flavorful, not at all forced.

BBQ Kalbi
Korean BBQ Spicy Chicken & Rice: $12
Kabli specializes in “gourmet foods in a flash,” but the signature rice plates would be worth the wait. We didn’t overthink our order and stuck with the spicy Korean BBQ chicken in a bed of warm rice. Though the dish comes in mild, we weren’t here to play it safe. The spicy mayo and chili-based sauces combined to add a kick to every meaty, slightly crisp bite. Kalbi’s motto is more of a lifestyle, as the service was light-speed and the presentation was impeccable. Decent portion size and an affordable price make Kalbi a competitor that combines substance and style.

Recap:
Twister has a nice handle and its fusion of so many ingredients is the kind of creativity South Bay foodies crave. BBQ Kalbi sticks to the fundamentals, and the speed of service doesn’t waste any motion.

Winner:
BBQ Kalbi

Paddy Wagon Sliders vs. Spartan Taco Truck

Scouting report:

Paddy Wagon Sliders
Mac Daddy: $9
Chili Bang Bang Tots: $9
This jailhouse-inspired food truck is packed with some of the guiltiest pleasures to be found on four wheels: hamburger sliders, but with a twist. Their Mac Daddy ($9)—served with two sliders and a heaping pile of signature tater tots—gets the ultimate beauty treatment. These lookers are layered with shredded lettuce, a quarter-pound beef patty, a smear of thousand island dressing and a golden cheddar cheese crisp that will have customers drifting into a post-meal slumber. Their Chili Bang Bang Tots ($9) also provide a slight twist on chili cheese fries, swapping fries for crispy golden blocks. Let’s just say we wouldn’t mind doing some time in solitary with these dishes.

Spartan Taco Truck
Super Tacos: 3 for $7
Located on the outskirts of San Jose State’s campus, Spartan Taco Truck is the mecca for late-night munchies. What may look like an average food truck is more like a restaurant with outdoor patio seating. The fully stocked salsa bar helps make Spartan a popular weekend after-party destination. The carne asada crispy tacos, served as a trio for $7, are mini mountains loaded with steak on a small fried tortilla and doused with a tasty balance of sour cream, avocado, melted mozzarella cheese and topped with pico de gallo. The yellow-orange signature sauce adds a spicy kick, but it’s nothing an ice cold mandarin Jarritos can’t overcome.

Recap:
Paddy Wagon’s guilty pleasures pounced on us and never relented—even when we stepped on the scale the next day. Spartan had exuberant offerings and lots of drunk college kids—which is fine! That’s the time to let loose.

Winner:
Paddy Wagon

Takoz Mod Mex vs. The Chairman

Scouting report:

Takoz Mod Mex
Knockout Burrito: $9
Beef, chicken, pork and fries, oh my! It doesn’t stop there with Takoz Mod Mex’s gigantic Knockout Burrito ($9). Also loaded with rice, beans and even a fried egg, this forearm of deliciousness is easy to share—or perhaps not. This not-so-ordinary taco truck slathers chipotle sriracha and mango sauce on its offering to give sweet undertones and a teasing hint of spice that creeps on the tastebuds. Massive appetites paired with moderate budgets will make the Knockout Burrito a worthy adversary. Just don’t be surprised when awaking from a food coma.

The Chairman
Pork Belly Sandwich: $7.25
Juicy pork belly overflows out of two large toasted baked bao buns to make for a messy delight. Chairman’s signature sandwich ($7.25) intertwines the savory sour taste of pickled daikon with tender pork belly, adding levels of taste with a mouth-watering aroma that seeps through the packaging the moment it’s served. The bun is more pleasing to the mouth than they eyes, as it lacks the wow factor at first glance— but the first bite erases all doubt. The pork belly is marinated to balance the buns, which have a dainty crisp outside while keeping a moist and soft interior. It’s a bit of relief to walk away without feeling too heavy.

Recap:
Takoz Mod Mex’ knockout burrito operates like Shaq in the paint, which is to say it does what it wants; it dominates, it teases, it tells you to go find some friends and come back when you’re ready. Chairman Mao once said, “You can’t be a revolutionary if you don’t eat chilies.”

Winner:
The Chairman

West Wing vs. Big Ed’s Buzzard BBQ

Scouting report:

West Wing
Adobo Glaze Chicken Wings, Rice, Mac Salad ($10)
Hot Honey Boneless Tenders ($6.50)
Put it this way: If Wingstop had received more love and attention as a child it would have grown up to be West Wing. This food truck, run by co-owners J.P. Victoria and Ralph, provides an elevated, refined and adventurous take on the classic chicken wing—bone in or out. The Adobo Glaze wings (5-piece, bone in) served with mac salad and rice ($10) is a shoulder-shaker that leaves no regrets. The fried chicken is smothered in a tangy, sweet garlic soy glaze that not only justifies but outright demands the fingers be licked. Because this is an audacious mission, we also ordered the Hot Honey tenders (3 piece for $6.50). Their blend of traditional hot sauce mixed with honey and a touch of habañero and ghost pepper packed a glorious punch.

Big Ed’s Buzzard BBQ
Burnt Ends: $14
Before his foray into the barbecue business, “Big Ed” Somerville was a roofer serving up smoked tri-tip in his free time for a church basketball league. It was such a hit that he started dishing out his Kansas-style barbecue fare on the festival circuit offering a five-hour crash course for aspiring pit masters and bottling his own sauces. Big Ed and his wife run a brick-and-mortar BBQ joint that’s open only a few hours to accommodate the lunch rush. Luckily for those who can’t carve out time to stand in line on a weekday, Bid Ed takes his show on the road, bringing his food truck to various stops around the South Bay. At a recent stop in Campbell, we ordered the day’s special: smoky, sauce-slathered burnt ends with all the fixings—pork-and-collard greens, a not-too-sweet potato salad and a heap of coleslaw. The burnt ends were intensely flavorful, as were the collard greens. Service was friendly and Big Ed himself was on hand to make recommendations and press flesh with die-hard fans, one of whom calls herself “one of Big Ed’s hungry buzzards.”

Recap:
Bid Ed has charisma and the barbecue chops to complement his outsize character. When it comes to chicken, West Wing is Larry Bird good.

Winner:
West Wing

Gold Rush Eatery vs. Tacos de Los Altos

 

Scouting report:

Gold Rush Eatery
Gold Rush Burger: $9.75
Devils Canyon Draft Root Beer: $4
We’re not sure whether the ’49ers ate hamburgers while panning for gold, but it’s easy to imagine a bearded mountain man going to town on this ground-beef sandwich with a cool root beer in the Sierra Nevada foothills. Wedged between a Boudin sourdough roll and topped with American cheese and “miner sauce”—some kind of ketchup and relish medley—the Gold Rush burger ($9.75) is a no-nonsense meal for the famished desk jockey. Made with a half-pound of fresh Angus beef, the burger is definitely filling and easily washed down with a Devil’s Canyon Root Beer ($4). Locally produced and brewed with real roots, Devil’s Canyon is the kind of ultra-authentic root beer sold in growlers to discerning sarsaparilla sippers.

Tacos de Los Altos
Quesadilla Suiza: $8
Long before mobile gourmet dining was a twinkle in some hipster’s eye, there were taco trucks. The oft-white loncheras remain ubiquitous throughout the South Bay, camped outside office parks and construction sites and serving up greasy Mexican grub to roustabouts and techies alike. Thankfully, the food truck impresarios behind Moveable Feast and Off the Grid tend to include at least one taquero per event. Tacos de Los Altos stands among the best of them, although the prices are a little higher than what one might expect to pay at a flea market food truck. We especially loved the quesadilla suiza al pastor ($8), basically a quesadilla with pork and crema, which was served hot off the grill with char marks on a giant tortilla. Because we’re a sucker for fried bread, we also ordered a side of sopes, which came generously heaped with lengua, beans, lettuce, tomato, crema and cheese for just $3.50.

Recap:
Gold Rush’s “miner sauce” is a recipe we’re trying to replicate at home. Los Altos’ traditional Mexican, in a sea of fusion, reminded of simpler times.

Winner:
Tacos de Los Altos

Metro Balderas vs. 3 Geeks

Scouting report:

Metro Balderas
Tacos (Chicken, Carne Asada and Al Pastor): $2 each
Mexican Coca-Cola: $2.50
Metro Balderas might just be the most authentic Mexican food truck to make the tourney. While it’s not part of the Moveable Feast network, the tacos have legit street cred. Located at San Carlos Street and Lincoln Avenue in San Jose, the truck draws nearby workers and residents into a parking lot that shares space with a payday lending company. The cashier spoke only Spanish and accepts only cash, which required a quick trip to an ATM at a nearby convenience store. Happy hour prices at all hours of the day mean $2 tacos. We went with chicken, carne asada and an al pastor taco, the latter at the recommendation of a woman who kindly offered to buy lunch if we couldn’t locate an ATM. Along with a bottle of real Coca Cola (see Mexico) the tab came to $8.50 The chicken was juicy and had just enough kick with the delicious salsa, while the carne asada was lean and chewy the way a true street taco should be. But it was the al pastor that shut it down. Crunchy, thick-cut slices of pork had us begging we’d paid more heed to our fellow customer.

3 Geeks
Philly Cheesesteak: $10.49
Smothered in cheese, caramelized onions, grilled peppers and thinly-sliced, well-seasoned beef, it’s no surprise that 3 Geeks’ Philly cheesesteak ($10.49) makes for a simple, filling food truck feast. Served on a warm 8-inch bun, they aren’t trying to reinvent the wheel. But good luck getting your mouth around this sandwich, which was big enough to send us to the couch for the rest of the day while still having leftovers for a second lunch. The price point is definitely reasonable, as the sandwich is large enough to split for two.

Recap:
Trump supporters warned last year that pretty soon we’d have taco trucks on every corner. If they’re anything near as good as Metro Balderas, bring it on.

Winner:
Metro Balderas

Fairycakes vs. Capelo’s BBQ

 

Scouting report:

Fairycakes
Cupcakes: $3 each; six for $15
Step right up, cupcake aficionados and fair-haired newbs. Fairycakes is guaranteed to satisfy the wildest of sweet dreams. This white truck of treats is booming with flavors, which to name a few include lemon cheesecake, tiramisu, churro and Boston cream pie. Each cupcake ($3) is served warm and gooey like it was made to order. Professional packaging makes these little devils look even sweeter than they taste. Whether indulging in the Triple Chocolate or sweetening things up with the bananas Foster, Fairycakes makes for an exceptional on-the-run dessert. Bring a couple of friends (or not) and get a sixth cupcake free when buying five. The capper: free cups of milk.

Capelo’s BBQ
Grilled Chicken BBQ Plate: $13
Napkins should be at the ready when Capelo’s BBQ comes to a hood near you. Our Southern cravings were smothered into submission by a plate of tender white-meat chicken served in an intimidating portion. Even for those with limited appetites, it’s futile to resist the succulent bird and the way it strips apart with tender resignation. The accompanying pasta, immersed in melted cheese and spices, makes for one of the richest, creamiest mac and cheeses found on wheels. Taking a brief a break from the tangy sauces, we broke through the crunchy surface of the corn muffin to find a soft, warm, pillowy interior. Any guilt to be found in the massive meal was quickly dismissed as Capelo’s signs note that the truck serves organic meat and gluten-free sauces.

Recap:
Capelo’s balanced glutton with our nobler sustainable sensitivities. The size of Fairycakes’ handheld desserts belied bold flavor combinations, and the presentation was was off the charts.

Winner:
Fairycakes

THE ELITE EIGHT

Sam’s Chowder Mobile vs. BBQ Kaldi
Things are getting tense. Kaldi’s fast first step gave it a leg up as we debated the biggest drawback to food trucks: long lines. But the cold, wet winter just made us want to curl up on the couch in the the warm embrace of the lobster.

Winner:
Sam’s Chowder Mobile

Paddy Wagon Sliders vs. The Chairman
If the great chairman had his way we would be divvying up Paddy Wagon’s tots in equal portions and allocating no more than one’s needs require. The revolution can wait. We want our tots. Long live decadence!

Winner:
Paddy Wagon Sliders

 

West Wing vs. Tacos de Los Altos
The actual West Wing is a den of fear and loathing. The food truck West Wing is a mobile home of love and tenderness—and hot chicks. (Note: It’s actually two dudes. We’re running out of bird puns.)

Winner:
West Wing

Metro Balderas vs. Fairycakes
How can a fluffy dessert withstand the challenge of authentically charred meats and mini tortillas? Easy. Fairy dust. (See: sugar.)

Winner:
Fairycakes

THE FINAL FOUR

Sam’s Chowder Mobile vs. Paddy Wagon Sliders
We really wanted to see Manchester by the Sea, but instead of two hours of heartbreak and tears disappearing into Casey Affleck’s beard, we went with a bowl of chow-dah. Chow-dah!

Winner:
Sam’s Chowder Mobile

West Wing vs. Fairycakes
Sometimes a cupcake comes to the end of the line and it just decides to stop running and go back and live on its farm in Greenbow, Alabama.

Winner:
West Wing

THE CHAMPIONSHIP

Sam’s Chowder Mobile vs. West Wing
We were leaning in the direction of Sam’s lobster and chowder combo, as the creamy goodness and rich sea steak are a winning pair in the mold of a Stockton-Malone pick-and-roll. And then, out of nowhere, we came across internet video of a giant chicken emerging from the roost. It was like seeing Foghorn Leghorn mutate into a Marvel villain. Dear Mr. Chicken, please know we’re on your side and will humbly serve you in your rampage for world domination.

Winner:
West Wing

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