E. Carlson, circa 1999

Sun-burned, Schwinn-red, upside-down cow. This cow has been condemned to spend eternity in the upside-down position for mauling innocent gawkers on Michigan Avenue.

Sightseers, gawkers, tourists, and their ilk, are warned not to feed the cows. Feeding them hinders their ability to survive in the wild (the cows, not the tourists). If fed, cows tend to lose their natural fear of humans and become emboldened to attack - often in packs, with deadly ferocity.